


Words Just Aren’t Enough

by wildxships



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, F/M, Fluff to come, Lots of Angst, Panic Attacks, Post-Season/Series 04, They’re mad at eachother, set during season 5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 20:50:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15469788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildxships/pseuds/wildxships
Summary: Something like this isn’t easy to fix. Something like this needs more than words. Something like this needs action. But what if, there’s too much talking and not enough doing?





	Words Just Aren’t Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Wow it’s me again, I’m missing batcat and am being given no content so I wrote my own. Also this was supposed to be a short one shot about them dancing at a gala, but then I decided to turn it into to something more, and now it’s a multi chapter fix. Enjoy this angst chapter, fluff is soon to come. I’ll also be updating this every other day, and don’t know how many chapters will be in this. Stay tuned!

When they reunited, it wasn’t this epic thing. They looked at each other for the first time in a year and a half, and could not believe that they were in each other's presence.

It didn’t matter how much they had missed each other. There was still the issue that they hadn’t spoken since she called him, begging for him to visit her. It was the first time that he had ever heard her sound so desperate, and he couldn’t deal with it.

He couldn’t deal with the fact that Selina Kyle, his Selina Kyle, wasn’t okay. It was as if something was wrong in this world. And he had to fix it.

The way in which he went about it was obviously wrong. Instead of saying that he missed her, but that he had an obligation to his city and would talk to her as much as he possibly could, he had instead replied, “Selina. You don’t need me. Get better, but don’t call me anymore. I can’t deal with this right now.”

Hearing these words Selina became frozen. “What?”

 

Realizing what he said, Bruce immediately tried to retract his statement, “Selina I didn’t mean it like that. There’s just-“

 

“No, I get it. I’m not important to you. Have a nice life, Bruce Wayne.” He was left with a beep signaling that she had indeed hanged up on him. Putting the phone in the receiver he slid down into the chair, realizing that he just messed up the best thing in his life once again.

 

They hadn’t tried to message each other after that both knowing that something like this couldn’t be fixed over the phone.

 

At the same time, neither made any plans to actually see the other. Selina focused on gaining her full ability to walk again, and Bruce focused on all he could do for Gotham.

 

Both plans were so different and exhausting but kept them from their main focus-each other.

 

As time passed they grew to believe that the other didn’t care anymore. But they were faced with more reoccurring memories, ones that kept haunting them to talk.

 

These memories occurred randomly, whenever a single item seemed to bring up the thought of an event. Like when Gordon gave Bruce donuts to eat, and Bruce thought of a girl throwing one at him, taunting him to throw them back. Or when Selina passed by a shop filled with snow globes, she remembered a boy giving her one with eyes so innocent and pure awaiting her reaction. In times like these, they smiled, but when they remembered who they were thinking of-they kept the tears at bay and pretended everything was fine. The problem was, nothing was fine.

 

For Bruce, a realization happened once he finally had visited the manor since that night. It was 6 months to the day, and Bruce knew he couldn’t avoid his home for the rest of his life.

 

Tentatively, Bruce made his way through the manor until he reached the study. He wasn't ready. He knew that it all would still look like that night since no one has been here since then, but more importantly, he wasn't ready to see the place where she almost died. The place were he lost her, not to death, but to everything that he didn't do.

 

As he slowly opens the door, his eyes are met with broken glass, his heart contracts and all air escapes his lungs. He feels a ghost of a memory of a girl holding his face between her hands, begging him to breathe and look at her.

 

He turns and is met with his father’s desk. Memories begin to surge of moments he shared with Selina. Starting from the most recent memories, to the first. He remembers almost kissing her, talks they shared, arguments they had, small quiet moments that neither brought up in fear of anything changing, to her kissing him as kids, to their food fight. But as the memories continue, they don't just stop at Selina. They continue on to his parents, to him always waiting for his dad to finish up in the study, to laughing with his mother and father, to joking with them, to anything he could possibly think of that might have happened in this exact room.

 

As he looks from place to place, he begins to not feel okay. He hears the blood pounding in his ears, his body beginning to shake, and feeling unable to breathe. His head feels dizzy, as his eyes kept moving everywhere and he couldn't take it anymore. He falls to the ground crying, screaming for someone, for anyone, for his parents, for Alfred, for Selina, to help him. But no one comes, no one’s there.

 

”Why! Why do you have to take away everything! Everyone I love, anyone that makes me feel safe or sane. I can't take this anymore. Just make it all go away! Please! Please!” He shakes and he pleads, but it doesn't stop. He stays there completely broken, unable to process that he was alone.

 

The next morning as he makes his way to the GCPD, he makes a promise to not get close to anyone else. Because if no one was close, no one would get hurt, he wouldn't be hurt anymore.

 

At the same time, Selina wasn't having the best time. It only being 6 months after the shooting, she was still having difficulties with being able to run and at times would have episodes of not being able to move.

 

Alfred had tried all that he could to keep up her spirits and help her, but they both knew that only one person would be able to do that.

 

”I'm tired of this Alfred! Why can't I just be okay for once? Why does everything just go wrong in my life! I can't keep handling all this. And then the one thing that I have, the ability to be physically better than people, it gets taken away!” Selina rants to Alfred one evening.

 

”Miss Kyle, this is not going to be easy. You're going to have to work harder than you've ever worked before, but you can do it because you're strong, stronger than most your age. So don't give up.” Alfred moves so he's facing her, and showing that his face was filled with the fullest of sincerity.

 

She nodded knowing that as much as she wasn’t okay, that she’d come out of this better than before.

 

Yet, there was still something wrong and she needed to know.

 

”Alfred?”

 

”Yes, miss?”

 

”Is being in love supposed to hurt this much?” She asks not meeting his gaze, afraid of any answer.

 

”Being in love hurts the most when two people who want to be together more than anything, can't.” He says offering an explanation of how vulnerable she might be feeling.

 

”Does he?” she asks already knowing that Alfred knows who she's referring to.

 

”Master B is complicated, but with you, he's lighter. I've known it since the first time you interacted.”

 

”It’s never going to be like that again.” she says sighing.

 

”It might just be better.” Ending the conversation, Alfred gets up patting her shoulder and leaving her alone with her thoughts.

 

Looking out the window, she wonders what he’s doing.

 

”Will it be better?”

 

Being away from one another certainly wasn't better.

 

Bruce became closed off to the entire world, focusing too much of an agenda for justice. Gordon was worried that soon he would become numb to any happiness.

 

Selina became fixated on doing anything and everything possible to regain her full ability, and even surpass it. This caused Alfred to question whether she’d soon lose all the good, happy parts of her that she had obtained.

 

As everyone around them worried, they grew to think that being closed off, would help everyone else.

 

Bruce worried about Selina constantly, always having her in his mind and wondering how’d it all gone wrong too quickly. Selina started to loathe Bruce, angry at him for breaking promises. Angry at him for never calling after that miserable phone call. Angry for him not visiting her.

 

So, when they reunited after a year and a half, you could except the shock that they were here, in the same exact room.

 

They took in each other’s figure. Noticing changes in their body’s, like how he grew taller, more muscular and defined, while she became leaner, and in his opinion more beautiful than the last time he saw her. But these changes, it only reminded them of exactly how long it had been.

 

”Hi” was the first thing he said to her. ’Stupid’ he thought.

 

”Really? That's the first thing you say after a year and a half?” She replies clearly pissed off.

 

”Selina-”

 

”We need to get going. Gotham doesn't look the same anymore, ” ’neither do you’ she thinks. ”I don't trust it, we should probably go somewhere to talk about how we’re going to find Jeremiah.”

 

”Selina, he's dangerous-” he starts obviously scared of something happening to her.

 

”Believe me, I know more than anyone.” she can see him physically freeze and remember that moment. ”That’s why we-I need to find him. To move on.”

 

’From him or me?’ he thinks.

 

”So where can we go?” she asks obviously irritated.

 

”We can go to the manor, ” he sees her flinch so he brings up another option, ”or the GCPD, Gordon’s there and he can help.”

 

She nods and quickly turns her head so she's not facing him, signaling that they should probably head to the GCPD.

 

”We can't do it that way!” Selina yells at Bruce.

 

”It’s the only way!”

 

”Only way my ass, you don't have the stealth to do this!”

 

They were arguing in Gordon’s office trying to find any lead on Jeremiah, and could not come to the same conclusion.

 

”Bruce, going to the charity ball by yourself is only going to get you killed. Going to an event the first time in years is going to look suspicious, and everyone will crowd around you and you won't be able to do the job. If I go, they'll leave me be and I won’t get any attention drawn to me.” Selina says with certainty.

 

”I don't care, you're not going end of discussion!” Bruce argued back.

 

Lucius, Alfred, Gordon and Harvey all stayed quiet, watching the encounter wondering why Bruce was fighting this so much.

 

”Well guess what! You don't tell me what to do! So I'm going to do this, and you're not going to stop me.”

 

”Selina I can't just let you-” his voice softened only confusing her further.

 

”Let me what?” she asked still frustrated, but curious.

 

Bruce stood frozen wanting to say that he couldn't have her go, because if there was even a chance that she could get hurt, he didn't want that to happen. So deciding that it would be better for her to leave he decided to question her, ”Why are you even here? You don't care about the city at all, you just want to add Jeremiah to the list of people you've killed!” He yelled.

 

Both realized what he had said and became clearly affected.

 

”Selina-”

 

”No you know what, I'll find him on my own. And don't you dare come talk to me.” With one final word, she walked away clearly angry but most of all hurt that he would bring that up. Because he knew that she had pushed the man out of the window for him, to keep him safe.

 

Bruce felt everyone eyes on him as Selina left the room, and he looked away from them not wanting to see the disappointment in their eyes directed at him. ”I know. Don't tell me, I know.” With that he follows after the ghost of a girl he once knew.

 

Standing outside the GCPD, Selina considered her options. She could go off into the city alone, go back into the GCPD or try to find where Tabitha was. Leaning more into the last option Selina starts to head for the direction of the club when she hears footsteps heading towards her.

 

”Selina look,” starts Bruce, but as always is interrupted by Selina.

 

”What? You have more to say than that?” Selina asks not turning to face him.

 

”I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for saying what I said.”

 

”That it? Because I've got somewhere I need to be.”

 

A silence overcomes them, not knowing what exactly they want to say.

 

”No, I just, I just, I don't know how to act around you anymore and how to talk to you. You've changed.” he says unsure of how to put their new dynamic.

 

”I'm not the only one who's changed Bruce.”

 

”I know. But you can't honestly believe this is the best solution! You can't even look me in the eye anymore!”

 

With this she turns around clearly alarmed. ”You’ve got to be kidding me. You can't look me straight in the face either! I'm mad at you. I'm angry at you-you left me, you broke your promise and the fucked up thing about that is that I thought you would be there when I woke up. Then you weren't. Then I called you, practically begging you to come see me because I couldn't handle doing this without my best friend. But then you told me you didn't care, that you couldn't deal with me. You left me, Bruce. You left me alone and paralyzed, and I had to do it alone. Yes Alfred was there, but he kept worrying about you. I worried about you. So yes I'm mad. I'm mad that now that I'm here, you can't even apologize for what you did. And I'm mad that even though you know my idea is the best way to go about this you still won't let it be.” She’s angry, but most of all she’s tired. Tired of everything that continues to force her out of any happiness that she might stumble upon.

 

He can’t look at her, he can’t be confronted with the truth. “I need to do this my way.”

 

She scoffs, knowing that he’s not going to budge or even confront the real issues. “You do it your way, I’ll do it mine. Just know that when your plan goes south, I was the one who told you what you should’ve done.” She turns, takes five steps and stops. “By the way, I would’ve forgiven you if you had actually talked to me. I would have been mad, but when am I not at you? I guess Alfred was wrong, somethings don’t get better.”

 

She walks away, not looking back and wonders if they’d ever be fixed.

 

He stands there, and wonders what she meant by ‘somethings don’t get better.’


End file.
